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Depression, A Passages by Barbara A. Miriello, MFT In the journey to the Self, and particularly in the meditation journey, depression may be encountered when we experience the disorientation that can accompany the loosening of ego boundaries and identities. It also may occur as we approach the emptiness, which can arise in sitting, or when the false self is puncture or dissolves. These kinds of passages are important and can be exceptionally fruitful, despite the pain and potential danger they may entail. To blanketly pathologize, or medicate, these experiences are a great loss. The stigma of having a "mental disorder" is a major obstacle in attending to the suffering of depression. Recently, some public figures have bravely come forth to admit their struggle with major depression. This is an important beginning, but only a beginning. Consider this experience of depression encountered in a healthy, devoted mother of two who had a mature discipline of sitting Zazen. She had been feeling slow and heavy, and reported: "I thought of my two children...after I die...and then after they had died, at ripe old ages, after leading good lives. I kept seeing their ashes in the air joining mine. Where did all that love go? How could it possibly die? Why am I seeing this now when we are all robust and vital? What is wrong with me?" After inquiring about the context of this vision within the context of her present experience, it was clear that this woman was on the edge of a very important opening to a wider dimension of consciousness. She was sad, and appropriately so. She was approaching a realization of impermanence. Mourning is appropriate as we open to this reality if we are properly attached to and involved in the exquisite experience of being. This dark, painful passage is, however, an important labor in opening to an awareness which encompasses a far greater kind of love. It is dangerous and even tragic that the different perspectives about the role of depression are perceived as oppositional and mutually exclusive. The medical, psychodynamic, artistic, bio-chemical and spiritual vantage points are, rather, mutually informing, and speak to the complexity of the human experience. Little can bear witness to the intricacies of brain and mind than both the subjective and objective mysteries of depression. I further believe, and have seen repeatedly, that this difficult passage of discernment often is one of the most spiritually revealing and promising of processes. Barbara A. Miriello, MFT Center for Inner Work 5100 Marlborough Drive San Diego, California, USA 92116 619-584-1725 Office 619-979-6390 Page 619-582-2697 Facsimile |
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